Wednesday August 03, 4:30 p.m. (-8GMT)
I haven't updated this in forever, partly because I lost the site (and my database of which animals I had finished and sent, and which I hadn't. I'm historically slow and disorganized, so it's not that big of a surprise, but my guilt is still suffocating me, so hopefully I can get this all in order before I run out of air.

Below is the original website. Hanzo has since had his surgeries, I went to the writing workshop, and we are both doing well. I heartily appreciate everything everyone did, and I should now be able to access my old laptop, which was previously dead, and recover the more organized version of my plunderzoo notes.

Thank you for your patience. Feel free to e-mail me and bug me--it actually works, because as I mentioned, asphyxiating guilt! (Hanzo doesn't feel guilty. He is droolingly, bouncily uninterested in your plight. I will feel guilty enough for both of us!)

the animals escaped! how do we get them back? why is there a zoo in the first place? what kinds of animals are available? who is totally awesome?


Before you browse the animals, check out the KEY:


Animals listed in black print are completely finished and will go in the mail upon payment; animals in grey print are only inked or partially colored, and will be mailed within a week! :) Animals with a strikethrough have been reserved (either pending payment or not yet scanned/posted) and are currently unavailable as originals, though you can order prints.

 






hungry chameleon
rhinobee
happy sloth
tapir playing with a ball
kittysaurus rex
catodactyls
leossum

when guinea pigs
gecko
slocelot
another peafowl
MYSTERY ANIMAL

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armadillo making a friend
gila monsters in the dessert
bandicoots
vulture with a badge
coughing owl
hawk
MYSTERY ANIMAL

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hungry anteater
kanoodling kangaroos
frustrated ostriches
hyenas
jigsaw puzzle herd stalked by Rubik's cubes
DDR antelope
giraffe with a little friend
lion with a little enemy
pissed off frilled lizards
baby cheetahs

MYSTERY ANIMAL

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polar bears getting revenge
proud jellyfish
greedy kraken
fatty fat fat sharks
a cappella pelicans
otter reading the best book ever
seals & unorthodox cutlery
plesiokitty
thbbpt killifish
alligators passing Go
crowded frogs
Florida panther in swamp
playing possum with crocodile tears

angelfish
hermit crab
nudibranch
MYSTERY ANIMAL!

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the yeti that snowboarders like
the yeti that skiers like
badger & a butterfly
mountain goat tag
plague doctor bird
gay unicorns* (The asterisk isn't about them being gay, of course.It's something else)
chipmunks
hang in there cats
kissing moles
ghost koalas
horses & lupines
Tasmanian devil & skulls
squirrels playing ouija
rebellious bat
rat
MYSTERY ANIMAL

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birthday rats
balancing pigeons
bats up to no good
snail
evolution exhibit
sepia chickens
plane in a snake
sphinx sharpening its claws
scariest spider EVER
ladybug tea party
snake dancer*
black plague family
robot exhibit
animated turnips
MYSTERY ANIMAL

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* Due to this animal's temperament, there's no telling what trouble it's managed to get into. It's best that it not be caught by anyone who's offended by senseless violence, sensible violence, sexual innuendo, cute animal nudity, or bathroom humor. I do promise that I would show any of these to my nephews, so they might be sophomoric or gross, but they're still less frighening than the Discovery channel or public high school.

The animals have escaped!

The zoo had 150 animals, but they all escaped! They are running amok, and that mischief isn't good for the animals or for us. They're getting drunk, eating each other, and possibly (brace yourselves, because this is terrible) attending law school. Obviously, they belong back in the zoo!

Browse the zoo below to see what animals still need to be captured. Some of the animals have already suffered fates from terrific to terrible, as you will no doubt find out! Alas, no one will know what they look like (or what shape they're in) until they are caught.

I feel compelled to mention that this is a special zoo. Don't be surprised if you've never before encountered some of these rare specimens...



(Not seeing the specimen you were hoping for? Well...)

How it works

Each animal will roam free until you, goodhearted Internet souls, fund their capture by sending a minimum of $10 via PayPal or snailmailed check/money order.

Most animals are full-color, though there are some in limited palettes or b&w; the art styles range from realistic to cartoony. Also, I heard a rumor that if you have one featured on your wall, you will have good dreams, grow three inches, and automatically be moved to Santa's good list.

Once you've caught an animal (you wily hunter, you!), the original 3"x5" art card will be mailed to you, and a graphic representation of the animal will go into the zoo so everyone can see! (If you can see the animal off to the left, it means the original is gone, but you can always order a print for $5! They are the same size as the original. I print them with my laser printer, which means they're on fairly thin paper, but the image quality is superb.)

To claim an animal, please follow these instructions!

1. Send an e-mail to p l u nd e r pu ss at g ma il dot c o m (without the spaces) with this information: your name, postal address, how you'll be paying, the name/description of the animals you want, and whether or not you want to be listed as a zoo patron at the bottom of this page.

2. If you're paying by snailmail, I'll send you my postal address.
If you're paying with PayPal, here:

Either way, payment must arrive within three days or your animal re-escapes!

3. Animals are first come, first serve. If you attempt to fund the capture of an animal but someone else got there five minutes before you, I'll notify you of your misfortune. You can make second choices, or I will refund any payment you've already sent.

4. Please feel free to use the .jpg files from this directory in blog posts or other social networking venues, as long as you link back to this page! Thank you :)

Boring legal crap: You are purchasing the physical original or a physical reproduction, not the rights to the image. I will not refund animals under any circumstances, even if your fiancée attempted suicide by jumping out the window and landed on your grandmother, and they're both in traction, suffering an eternal Jonas Brothers concert in a hospital run by Nazis, which also happens to be on fire. In the event that I am late mailing your animal(s), I grant you permission to pee in my shoes for revenge. I guess this part wasn't as boring as I thought it would be.

The Story

This is Hanzo. He's a happy, friendly one-year-old pit bull puppy who likes to play with other dogs, hike on mountains, and lick the faces of giggling children (and not-so-giggling, actually-rather-horrified cats). Right now, he can't play at all--he can barely walk--and the Zoo is here to pay for what he needs.

Hanzo developed a condition in his left knee called "luxating patella," which he then promptly developed in his right knee as well. He's in the animal hospital as I write this, spending the night alone in a kennel instead of crushing my feet with his giant fifty-pound dog butt. :(

My puppy will be able to run and play again even if no one buys my art--this site isn't one of those dumb threats, like, "I will make this tame gila monster walk the plank if you don't donate!" or something. It's just a way to earn back what I've lost! Otherwise, I'll be eating rice, rice, and when I feel like splurging (for the holidays, perhaps), rice with soy sauce.

By the time Hanzo can jump again, I hope to be at Viable Paradise XIV. (Which is what my savings was originally supposed to pay for!) For those of you who don't know, VP is a prestigious writing workshop where they carefully expose you to radioactive waste in order to give you superpowers, which you can then use to further your career in fiction fight crime. I'd hate to miss it, since becoming a writer crime-fighting mutant is a dream of mine, just like Hanzo would like to be a Canine Good Citizen and lick faces in hospitals and nursing homes (where there are no pissed-off, soggy cats). Hopefully my work as curator of the zoo will make it so we can both achieve our dreams.

Thank you for your contributions. We both appreciate it!

Acquisitions

No promises, but the zoo does like to add animals. If you have a suggestion for something to brighten up the menagerie, please let me know, and as curator of all our fine and exotic exhibits, I'll look into it. If PlunderZOO does acquire the animal you wanted to see, you'll be notified before anyone else and given an opportunity to sponsor it. :)

Send your ideas to: plu n d e rp uss a t gma i l do t c o m

 

Zoo Patrons

These are all the awesome people who have contributed so far. Thank you!

Bill N. & family
Erin Cashier
M. Garrison
John Poor
Clare Pytel
David D. Levine
Shannon Page
Brenda Cooper
Kristin Centorcelli
Sean Markey
Curtis C. Chen
Steve Berman
Jamie Medford
Jonathan Lawson
Mitchell Vega
Mary Kay Kare
Ellen Million
Jenn Lach
Jett Pontier
Seanan McGuire
Sara Davis
Anastasia Finch
Karen Junker
Steve Gerencser