Calamity Cove

Photo by John Poor

I didn’t look much like Lady Gaga, but it was close enough for most drunk people to figure out who I was, and then holler encouraging nonsense at me from blocks away. They were only excited because they didn’t see this photo:

(You don't want to know. But you can probably guess.)

However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. At the beginning of the evening, I looked like this:

Click the jump to see the rest of the step-by-step process!

(Missing the joke? Read about the time an armed robber tried to take money from my coworker and I, and ended up giving us something instead. )

And in case you wanted to see my super-awesome outfit, which I accidentally spent too much on because they mislabeled the rack at Joanne Fabrics |:< then check it out:

That hat is Clare’s… I just pinned a bunch of tulle, net, and sparkly organza to it. You can’t see the black taffeta rose, but I promise it’s there, and it’s gaudy.

You remember that mustache I had near the top of this post? It was specifically armpit hair, which I chose for its inherent humor value, silky texture, and Old Spiced aroma. I’m relatively sure, based on your retching, that you want to see the rest of the non-bikini body hair that I shaved for this outfit.