Broken Pitbull™ is almost Repaired Pitbull™. Hanzo has one more surgery scheduled, and then he will be a fully functioning cyborg canine! However, even with the Vet Loves My Dog Discount™, it has emptied my bank account. (This is especially bad right now, since I just got accepted to a fantastic writing workshop–which is a bit expensive.) My cats will have to work either selling their favors or picking pockets, and when they come home in the wee hours, I’ll collect their day’s take and slap them around a bit if I think they’ve shorted me.
Which is why you should check out The Plunder Zoo.
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I need somewhere to sleep the nights of June 25 and June 26. My original plans fell through.*
I don’t have a car, and I strongly prefer not to be late/miss part of the (expensive!) writing workshop because I screw up the bus schedule. So I need a place on Capital Hill–then I can walk there! If you live on Cap Hill, or if you’re staying in a hotel for the Locus Awards, please consider having me.
Reasons you should offer to house me for two nights:
1. I won’t get cooties on you or your stuff. I will bring my own bedding, and I definitely want the floor. (It’s possible I would even prefer your porch/balcony.)
2. You won’t have to see me, speak with me, or acknowledge me unnecessarily. I’ll either be at the workshop, or doing homework from the workshop for the entire weekend. (If you like, I’m sure we can arrange to have dinner and hang out a bit… after all, I don’t make a lot of social trips outside Bellingham, and whoever you are, I probably like you! I just mean you won’t be obligated to entertain me.)
3. I’m perfectly capable of wearing a pair of headphones as I sleep (or all the time) to tune out whatever it is you’re doing with that jackhammer and those aardvarks.
4. I don’t expect charity. I don’t have much $$$ left after the workshop tuition, but I can pony up about $30 a night. Or we can trade slave labor! I can brush your teeth for you or something.
5. Being in my near vicinity is scientifically proven to give you super powers. And not shitty Aquaman powers, either, but like, laser eyes.
6. You can gawk at my gorgeous new hairstyle/color(s). No, I’m not showing you a photo. That takes away incentive!
* A few people have already offered to house me, but I’m hesitant for various reasons–they live too far away, they already have company, etc. So I probably won’t have to sleep in an alley, but my options at the moment, in spite of the fantastic spirit in which they were offered, are less than optimal.
It should come as no surprise that the first time my work is in print, the publication has a disclaimer reading:
“Some readers have woken up naked in Canada with no memory of how they got there.”
On a completely snobby note, I really like the graphic design in this magazine. It’s legible, has style, and I don’t see any shitty Comic Sans or trendied-out Papyrus! HALLELUJAH. I thank them for making my first print appearance something I can be proud of.
If you like horror, you can buy an issue or subscription here. If you don’t like horror, do it anyway or monsters will get you.
Shai’s passing left an opportunity to help out another dog who needed a home, and there was definitely a dog-shaped hole in our life.
Note the verb tense! (:
Seamus and I were traveling south of Seattle anyway for a family gathering, so we made an hour detour to meet a 5-month old puppy named Hanzo. He had responsible, loving owners who couldn’t keep him for various reasons, including an unexpected pregnancy that left little time for his continued training. (Congratulations, T&E! I’m sure your new baby will keep you just as busy as this one did.)
We couldn’t leave without him.
His previous owners gave us a CD full of photos(!!), but this one was taken with my crappy cell phone by Whatcom Creek.
He was raised around another, smaller dog, two cats, and very well trained. He’s still a puppy and learning, but he’s eager to please and loves everyone. Even my cats, who most assuredly do not love him back (yet!). I’m nervous, though, because I haven’t been responsible for a puppy in 10+ years. We’re starting obedience classes ASAP. Today, I got him a little coat to keep off the rain. It’s slightly too big, and thus, extra-hilarious.
Also, just in case this post had a maturity rating somewhere above “five year old,” I’d like to announce that he has the worst farts. (: Ever. In the whole world.
Once, I earned the right to type that. I had some trouble with my hinder that left me lying on my belly for almost an entire summer.
I was only seventeen, so it could have been socially disastrous, but fortunately I wasn’t the kind of seventeen-year old that had friends or engagements, just locker room embarrassments and the occasional split lip. I already typed fluent HTML, tapped out in Notepad so it took five times as long but leant me a buttload more programming cred. In 1998 I took advantage of that keister malady to master the intricacies of CSS. When I attended trade school for what I already knew–web design and development–I passed with my eyes shut.
In my old age, a mere decade later, my fluency is fading. I’m hoping this new site reacquaints me with what was once my only means of indoor entertainment. There is code here to play with, and functions to adjust, and I can’t depend on anyone to do it for me. And since I barely have the time to maintain my own site at all, I’m not going to be able to do two anymore. Just as it was with my first website, you’ll now be able to find my art, writing, and personal life all in one place, separated only by WP’s convenient tags.
I don’t care what the purists say. I’m so freaking glad I’m not editing this in Notepad. So…
Hello, world!
